Tag Archives: Hope

Faith Over Fear in Parenting

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As a career nanny who has spent half of my life caring for other people’s children and now has the privilege of caring for my own, the recent New York tragedy resulting in two young and precious children being murdered by their trusted nanny is one I’m still trying to process.

As the headlines shifted blame back and forth to the parents who reportedly didn’t notice minor changes in the nanny’s personality to those who knew the nanny and saw significant changes, yet didn’t report them, there is a push for increased scrutiny of caregivers and more rigorous background screening of them prior to hiring.

Sadly, however, even the best background screening and evidence collected proving that a nanny hasn’t committed a previous horrendous act is no guarantee that she won’t commit one in the future- or even that she hasn’t committed one in the past. Leading parents to believe they do only perpetuates a false sense of security. By their very nature, background screenings are done in hindsight, which is always 20/20.

I can only imagine the questions, doubts and second guesses flooding the parent’s hearts and minds as they grieve the loss of their children.

How could we not have known?

How could we make such a poor choice?

Are we horrible parents?

Is this our fault?

As parents, there are many things we can and do doubt. We may doubt we’re making the right educational choices for our children. We may doubt our abilities to parent in a Godly way. We may doubt our faith and therefore question the validity of passing it onto our children. At times, we may even doubt our parenting is even faith led at all.

While there are many things we can and even should doubt as parents, perhaps a decision to let our child sleepover a friend’s house who we don’t know very well or the ability of our 4-year-old to make consistently logical decisions, there is one thing we need not doubt: that God is always with us (Matthew 28:18-20).

We live in a fallen word, riddled with evil acts, the most horrific kind often the most unpredictable. While it can be tempting to turn to fear-based parenting as a faith-based alternative, doing so offers no peace and no real protection.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

 

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Confident to Grieve

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My phone was ringing at 10:15 at night as I was sitting in my living room with my husband.  The caller ID read that my uncle, with whom I rarely speak, was calling me.  My heart sunk, as I knew that he was about to bring me the news of something tragic concerning my grandmother.  Her health was not the best recently, and I had been expecting that “the phone call” would be coming any day.  I was expecting the worst for my grandmother, but instead, what I heard shook my entire world to the core.

After the initial silent pause, I heard my uncle say, “Steph, your mom is dead.”

“What?”

He had to say it again.  “Your mom is dead.”

“My mom?  MY mom?”  I questioned back with complete disbelief, like he had somehow mistaken who had died.  Clearly, my mom who was just fine a few days ago when I spoke with her on the phone could not be dead.  He had to have meant HIS mom, my grandmother, who had been having health problems.  What do you mean MY mom?

I fell to the ground and began to cry, to weep, to scream out.  My body went numb, and then my heart went numb.  My mind, however, never stopped working.  Immediately questions began to race back and forth.  How, God?  Why, God?  What does this mean, God?  How could You?  Why did You?  What am I supposed to do now?

And then the realization set in for me with every passing second… I am now living in this world without my mother; she is no longer here.

For many days and weeks and even months after this night, I had no idea how to express myself.  There was a mixture of anger at God, and then guilt over feeling this angry at God.  I had no idea how to pray, and reading through whole chapters of the Bible made me feel even more numb than the grief.  My faith was shaken.  How could I express my grief when I felt like I shouldn’t be saying the things I was feeling?

This went on for months, and then the miraculous happened.  I decided to open up one day to Psalm 119.  If I could not read whole portions of Scripture in one sitting any longer, I was going to learn how to meditate on smaller sections and let them work on my grieving soul.  This is exactly what happened.  My brokenness, anger, pain and severe grief was met by the sorrow of David.

“My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!  When I told of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes!… My soul melts away for sorry; strengthen me according to your word!”  (Psalm 119:25-26, 28, ESV)

I let go of the scholar within me that was taught how to dissect the authorial intent and figure out the hermeneutical implication of the passage; instead, I sat there and read the words over and over and over again.  I cried them out to God, I wept to Him – and something began to happen.  I realized that this was what true grief is.  The ability to cry to God and tell Him exactly the state of your soul, all the while reminding your soul that it IS His Word that will walk with you and carry you in this journey.

I do not wish for anyone to have the phone call, but the fact remains that we all will receive this call.  When everything feels so numb and dark, know that we can be confident in our grief, because God will answer us.

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A Gift Delivered on Labor Day

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In 17 months, five close family members passed away. During that time my husband and I went through significant job changes.

As we prepared for his employment change I was fighting an upper respiratory infection and found a bump on my neck. I sensed that I needed to tell my primary care physician about it and get an ultrasound test done of my thyroid area.

The night before the ultrasound I attended a women’s event at Mount Hope Christian Center. I prayed, “God, you know what’s going on. Please speak to me.” As I made my way to the altar, a woman placed her hand on my neck and prayed for me. She then moved her hand down to my lower abdomen and continued praying.

After the ultrasound I heard from my physician’s secretary who said, “It looks like an enlarged left side of the thyroid. We need to get you in to see an Endocrinologist. I’ll make a call to schedule an appointment for you.” A couple minutes later the assistant called back and said, “I’ve never been able to get someone in so quickly. There’s an appointment for 2 o’clock this afternoon. I highly recommend you take it.”

That afternoon I saw an Endocrinologist at Lahey Clinic, who reviewed the ultrasound results with me. After further testing, it was determined that surgery was the next step, which had the potential to damage my vocal cords.

When I got back the full pathology report, the growth was not cancerous. However, it did report that I have an autoimmune disease known as Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. According to the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologist, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis is a condition where the body’s immune cells produce antibodies which can damage thyroid cells and cause hypothyroidism when not enough thyroid hormone is being produced. This is the most common thyroid disease in the United States and is seven times more common in women than men.

I was thankful to be cancer-free and have my vocal cords unharmed, but I wondered what was next. Studies have shown that women who have thyroid problems may have trouble conceiving and throughout pregnancy and postpartum. I began questioning, “God, do you intend for me to have children?”

While the thyroid regulates the metabolism, our God is our true regulator. Over one year ago, I had a bump on my neck. A couple months ago, I had a bump on my lower abdomen. Now, I have a healthy baby girl who was born appropriately on Labor Day!

All Things Work Together

During the time of my thyroid journey, I was working for a health and lifestyle TV show in Boston. The segment aired on Better Living with Liz Walker and showed my diagnosis, treatment and acceptance of the condition I now have. I have also shared my story through I am Second, the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologist’s Empower Magazine, and other mediums.

Romans 8:28 says all things – the good, the bad, and the ugly – work together for good. If it were not for the pain and suffering I endured, I would not have a new voice to raise thyroid and autoimmune disease awareness. Furthermore, I do not take for granted the precious gift of our new baby daughter.

How have you seen God turn something around for good in your life? What scripture verse(s) did you cling to during that season of trial and questioning God?

*Image courtesy of Kookkai_nak /FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

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Questions Jesus Asked in His Ministry

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Sometimes people get the false impression that faith means learning the right answers. However, Jesus understood the importance of asking the right questions. Here are a few examples.

Questions of Priorities

The priorities I would write on paper and the priorities my choices write on the hours of my life sometimes begin to differ in the rush of living. A good question slices through the growing hypocrisy. Jesus understood the gap between intentions and actions, asking questions such as:

And why do you worry about clothes? (Matthew 6:28)

So, could you not watch with me one hour? (Matthew 26:40)

Why are you sleeping? (Luke 22:46)

Questions about Emotions

Jesus understood that faith is much more than intellectual assent. He knew that a good question presses beyond mere information to address the emotions driving our choices.

Why are you so afraid? (Mark 4:40)

Why are you crying? (John 20:15)

Does this offend you? (John 6:61)

Questions about Purpose

Jesus knew we are made for more than mere survival. Life is more than eating, sleeping, and working. Everyone has a greater purpose beyond just getting through the day. He asked people questions to help them get their focus beyond their immediate concerns to the larger spiritual truths.

But what about you? Who do you say that I am? (Matthew 16:15)

What do you want me to do for you? (Matthew 20:32)

Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? (Luke 5:22)

Honest answers to good questions grow our faith more than memorizing the right answers ever will.

 

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Questioning Your Ability?

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A few weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary by climbing up Mount Monadnock.  3,165 feet of asthma-induced breathing had me thinking a lot about what it means to achieve something. 

With each step and climb I took up the mountain, my breathing become noticeably louder.  I could feel my lungs pull tight and my throat close at certain points.  Typically, it was at those moments in the climb that a wonderfully energetic 8-year old would come scampering up the mountain-side, easily passing my slow, old and winded self. 

These moments left me frustrated.  How could it be so easy for some people and not so easy for me?  I work out (yes, not as regularly as some), but it doesn’t really seem to matter because rise in elevation + asthma lungs = incapability to breath properly.  So, I didn’t even have a fair shot! 

This is when I have to sit back and remind myself that achievement is not a competition with the world.  I could sit on a rock, catch my breath and begin to question why I even exist if I can’t climb a mountain faster than an 8-year old – but that kind of thought would get me no where very quickly (well, it would get me down the mountain and back in my car very quickly).

 We can question why we aren’t given talents, abilities and gifts like others if all we do is sit back and compare ourselves with others who have those specific talents, abilities and gifts.  I will never be able to climb a mountain like Reinhold Messner, or a very active 8-year old for that matter, but that is OK.  Neither of them are able to write a short, witty blog post (at least I hope so). 

 It is not what we are incapable of doing in comparison to others, but what we actually can achieve given everything that we are – all of our past, all of our present, all of our gifts, all of our talents, all of our disabilities, all of our emotions, all of our stresses, all of us.  Don’t question if you can even achieve something, instead question why you have not set the goal. 

 After thinking through these things, I was able to sit on the top of the mountain with my husband of 8-years, happy as a clam to have just finished the climb in 2-hours, and excited for the memory made with my husband, and the achievement that we had accomplished that day together.

 

 

 

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Three Great Easter Questions

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While preparing for the Easter holiday, I began to think about the great questions contained in the Biblical account of Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection, celebrated by Christians on Good Friday and Easter Sunday. These questions quickly get to the heart of the Christian message and remain relevant even today.  How would you answer the following three questions?

1.    You are not one of his disciples, are you? (John 18:17)

A young girl asked the Apostle Peter this question as he was waiting outside the high priest’s courtyard after Jesus was arrested. Peter had enough courage to follow Jesus to the religious leader’s court when the other disciples simply stayed behind. Peter put his faith into action more than most, but in the end, not enough to keep from denying Jesus to a servant girl. Fear won the day over faith. Weakness triumphed over love and loyalty. The question of the servant girl echoes to this present moment. Everyone who learns about Jesus must decide, “Am I his disciple or not?”

2.    What is truth? (John 18:38)

Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor who sat in judgment at Jesus’ trial, asked Jesus this question. Of course, Pilate asked the same question that philosophers have been asking and attempting to answer for thousands of years. But Jesus was not another philosopher with a theory of truth. He claimed to be the truth (John 14:6). Pilate was asking the wrong question. The right question becomes, “Who is truth?”

3.    Why do you look for the living among the dead? (Luke 24:5)

Two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning asked this question to the women who had come to Jesus’ tomb to anoint the body with burial spices. The women came to pay respect to the dead, but they became the first witnesses to the central miracle of Christianity. Christianity is not about the sayings of a good moral teacher. Christianity goes beyond advice for living a successful human life. Christianity is about resurrection. Resurrection means hope beyond this lifetime, power beyond natural explanation, and love that lasts for eternity. A Christian settles for nothing less.

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